Weight-loss and Easter

I achieved a milestone today, and no this isn’t an April Fool’s prank. I’ve lost 50 pounds over the past 16 months!

I’m celebrating this, but with a bit of reservation. There is a lot of judgment attached to bodies. Women more than men experience this judgment, and that’s not ok. Even well-meaning comments can hurt, heaping shame on people who never chose to be over-weight. Similarly, celebrations of weight-loss can contribute to a narrative of personal success/failure that misses the larger picture of what happens when someone loses or gains weight.

A particularly toxic element in all this is that a person’s weight is largely viewed to be a personal triumph or personal failure. That’s the bit that gets the most emphasis in the stories we tell ourselves about weight-gain or weight-loss. Having a healthy weight is seen as a sign of personal virtue.

I do think that personal responsibility can play a role in weight gain/loss. But honestly, I see other factors having a far bigger impact.

I live in a city that is walkable. Public transportation makes it easy to get to the places to which I can’t walk. These factors make it easier to weave physical activity into the day. A quick trip to the supermarket becomes “physical activity.” I’m not responsible for creating those conditions that make it easier to stay active.

I earn enough money to afford a membership at the local gym/pool. Is my income something that I achieved? Sure, partly. But, honestly, my money comes from donations from generous supporters who care about my work. (If you’re interested in becoming a supporter, you can find more information here) And, while I have done real work to build and maintain these relationships, fundraising isn’t exactly a gift of mine. The fact that I can afford to go the the gym honestly has more to do with you than with me. So many people can’t afford these sorts of luxuries.

I live in a place where fresh fruits and vegetables are cheaper than the unhealthy alternatives. I didn’t create the economic policies that resulted in this reality. I’d love to see the US Farm Bill restructured in a way that made healthy food cheaper than junk, but I’m not anticipating that happening anytime soon. Many people in the US live in food deserts where healthy options are simply not available. They didn’t create those factors.

At my current job, I work very hard. But, I do have enough of a work/life balance that I can build and maintain healthy habits. My job permits me to go to the gym and gives me time to cook healthy food. Two years ago, this was not the case. I was burned out, occasionally working 12 hours per day in a high-stress and unsupportive environment. At the end of the day, I’d look up from my computer and realize that I hadn’t eaten all day. What did I do when I was too tired to shop and cook? I’d get Papa Johns, of course! For months at a time, I’d regularly eat 4 large pizzas per week because that felt like the only option available to me.

I didn’t choose to work under these conditions. They were forced upon me. Last year, I escaped the working conditions that were killing me. But not everyone has that privilege. My current weight-loss efforts are to a certain degree an effort to undo the damage inflicted upon my body by that job.

My health insurance isn’t very good, yet it still costs an arm and a leg. I’ve tried to get something that will give me better coverage, but I’ve actually been rejected twice in the past two years. I’m now applying to several other companies and I’m hopeful. Prayers would be appreciated. Simply put, for people with good insurance, staying healthy is a lot easier. But good insurance isn’t available to everyone.

There are also hormonal/environmental elements that are completely outside of our personal control.

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I’ve listed the enormous factors that keep a healthy lifestyle out of reach for so many people. But, personal responsibility is still a factor. So, I’d like to mention a few things that I did on a personal level that made a difference.

I bought the Cadillac of salad spinners.

You can pry my Oxo Good Grips out of my cold dead fingers!

I learned a recipe for a vinaigrette that makes EVERYTHING taste better.

I bought an air fryer to make vegetables exceptionally delicious.

I also worked diligently to take advantage of the environmental factors I mentioned above. The fact that my city is walkable doesn’t mean that everyone is going to take advantage of that fact. The fact that healthy food is cheaper here doesn’t mean that everyone is going to eat better.

But in the grand balance, my hard work has produced results because of a lot of factors that were completely out of my control.

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Yesterday, Christians around the world celebrated Easter (Except some Orthodox Christians for whom Easter comes on May 5 this year). I see in Easter an affirmation of bodies. Bodies are gross and weird. Most religions and philosophies dream of escaping bodies. But historic Christianity has consistently taught that bodies are a part of God’s good creation.

In the incarnation, the 2nd person of the Trinity “took on” a body. And, in the resurrection, that embodiedness of Jesus Christ was reaffirmed. Jesus did not escape his body after his death. He returned to it and restored it. That same body, according to Christian tradition, is currently seated at the right hand of God the Father. There are at least a few bodies in heaven (including Enoch, Elijah, and maybe Moses). Don’t ask me how they got there.

In the resurrection, I hear a call for Christians to work towards a world/church that values bodies and sees them as fundamentally good things. What would it take to make churches into spaces that are pro-body? How can the church make it easier for people to care for their bodies?

Speaking from personal experience, it is way easier to take care of a body that you love. Similarly, it is so easy to mistreat a body that you hate. Fat shaming makes it harder to stay healthy. Comments on someone’s body can often have a counter-productive effect.

In the resurrection, I see an affirmation of the fundamental goodness of bodies, both yours and mine. God loves your body and is planning to restore it in the final resurrection.

We live in a world that judges and shames bodies of all sorts while creating the conditions that make it so very hard to take care of bodies. I would like to see a world in which all bodies are treated with the value and respect they deserve. I think that God would like to see that too.

The beauty that’s hard to see

San José is not a particularly beautiful city. When I speak to Costa Ricans about the city, they’re in near-universal agreement with me on that point. Many Costa Ricans will often go out of their way to avoid the city center.

The predominant color is gray. Some of the most noticeable smells are urine, and the occasional whiff from a crack-pipe.

The city does have some beautiful architecture as well as several lovely museums. But, the primary attractions are prostitution, gambling, alcohol and drugs. Most people who come to visit Costa Rica as tourists stay on the outskirts of San José before they’re whisked away to the beautiful countryside to see the volcanos, the beaches, and the wildlife. Tourists don’t usually stay in San José, unless they’re the sketchy sort of tourist.

For classes and meetings, I need to enter the city. If I had a car, I could easily drive around it. But, I use buses instead, and almost all bus routes go through the city, not around it. On my way to teach, I pass by homeless people, migrants, sex workers, buskers, and more. What does the gospel mean to these people? What do my classes have to do with these people?

I’m currently teaching Hebrew II. We’re translating the book of Jonah very slowly. My view is that the heart of the book is Jonah 4. Yes, let’s ignore the big fish for a little bit and think about the tiny plant and the tiny worm. Why does God love the big city? Why does God want to show compassion to the big city?

“And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?” (Jonah 4:11)

Several scholars think that the 120k people who can’t tell their right hand from their left is a reference to children. Small children struggle with differentiating right vs. left. Other biblical passages use the knowledge typically learned by a certain age as a way of categorizing life-stages (Isaiah 7:15-17).

Why does God want to show compassion for the big city? There are so many small things inside it! Small people. Small animals. There are also many small plants. Jonah got teary-eyed about one small plant dying. How many plants are in Nineveh? There are so many small things in the great big city.

God also loves big things. God rules over the big fish, and wants to show compassion to the big city. But there are simply so many more small things than there are big things in this world.

When I ask my students for modern-day Ninevehs, they typically mention Moscow and Beijing. They also will look at me cautiously before saying, “Washington DC?” “Yes!” I respond, “And San José too!”

“Nineveh” is any hard-to-love city to which God’s people have been sent. God loves your city, but it might be for reasons different than what you’d expect.

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I don’t have a lot of expendable income. But, occasionally, I buy something small from local artists. A few years ago, I picked up this print. It’s an image of a street in San José.

Last year, I had some friends visit my apartment. While we were talking, their eyes kept drifting over to the print. “Is that San José?” they asked me.  They were surprised that an image of San José could be beautiful. It caught them off guard. They weren’t used to seeing San José in this light.

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This past weekend, I was at an art festival downtown San José. Several streets were closed down and the parks were transformed into stages for music, theater, and so much more. It was beautiful to see! Night is usually the worst time to be downtown San José. But last weekend, it felt like an entirely different place.

As I listened to the music, I walked past various stalls where local artists showed their wares. One in particular caught my eye. Most of his drawings were of San José. (Here is his website)

I bought a print and a watercolor.

This print is of San José at night, the time when the city is at its most threatening. The large square building on the right is the newly constructed (and quite controversial) parliament building, built in the brutalist style. I’m not a fan of the building, personally. But in this night-time image, it’s almost beautiful?

This watercolor is of the Central Avenue. I’ve walked down this street to many times to count. The watercolor captures the general gray-theme of the city. It doesn’t try to hide the grayness. Yet, there are flashes of color everywhere!

Good art isn’t merely pretty. Good art shapes the way you see the world. A good artist has a good eye for the way things really are. A good artist observes and then lends you their eyes.

Good art also has to be true. It would not work to cover over the ugliness with some glitter. Art has to be true, or it becomes propaganda. Good arts helps you see the things that are hard to see. If these art pieces merely covered up the uncomfortable bits of San José, they wouldn’t be of any use. But when I look closely at them, I see people from all different social classes and of all different ages. I see the complicated truths. But, I also see the beauty a little more clearly too. Good art helps you see things the way they truly are. Good art helps you to see some of what God can see.

I plan to hang these up in my office. I’m going to show them to my Hebrew II class.

It’s hard to see the beauty in San José. But it’s there. 

The Lament in Christmas

Christmas is the most nostalgic time of year. I’ve experienced Christmas in Egypt, Costa Rica and the United States. In each place, Christians (locals and foreigners alike) look for familiarity. That often means either going home (whatever that means) for Christmas, or seeking to recreate home in a new place.

People go to great lengths to recreate the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of Christmases past. The tree with its lights, the music, the food; Christmas engages all the senses. With each sense, we seek the familiar. It doesn’t matter that you’ve already seen “The Muppet Christmas Carol” a dozen times. Returning to the familiar is the whole point of watching it again.

I have Dutch roots, so some of that nostalgia gets expressed through baked goods with almond paste in them. Almond paste can’t be found in stores here in Costa Rica. You have to make it. The most cost-effective way to do that is by blanching and grinding up your own almonds. It’s quite a task, removing the skin from each and every almond individually. But that’s what you do when you desperately need a particular taste from Christmases past.

Yet, this quest for the familiar often clashes with the hard realities of life. Every year brings with it big changes: conflict, sickness, the death of a loved one. When a loved one has recently died, are you going to watch their favorite movie, or would that be too painful? Are you going to make their favorite dessert, or would it go un-eaten? Nostalgia clashes with reality.

When the Bible talks about Christmas, there isn’t much nostalgia. Instead, Christmas is filled with violence, fear and even a dragon! (The Bible Project recently came out with a fascinating series of episodes about dragons in the Bible. If you’re a Bible nerd, it’s genuinely fascinating.)

Nativity scenes need to be updated. If the wisemen are there, the nativity scene desperately needs a King Herod sitting next to a pile of dead babies. The angel needs to be terrifying, with more wings and at least 6 eyes. It couldn’t hurt to add a few heads as well. They are nightmare fuel! There needs to be a sword piercing Mary’s heart too. And, you really need a dragon looming over everything. A toy T-Rex can serve nicely. (Revelation 12 retells the story of the birth of the messiah, but a dragon is waiting to eat him!)

My mom gets the credit for putting this together. She’s a genius! Her Bible Study has been studying Revelation.

I’m not expecting Christmas to be particularly cozy this year. True, I do plan to spend plenty of time seeking the nostalgia of Christmases past. But, I’m also anticipating the need to do a lot of lament. The Biblical Christmas is not cozy and nice. It’s terrifying. God’s son came into a terrifying world, taking on human flesh to dwell with us. Human flesh happens to be a dragon’s favorite food. Jesus came as a vulnerable baby. It’s hard to imagine something more vulnerable than a newborn baby.

Christmas isn’t about ignoring the dragons in the world and focusing on the positive. On the contrary, Christmas is a reminder of God’s commitment to conquer dragons, crushing the serpent’s head. If you feel like you’re surrounded by dragons this holiday season, you aren’t the only one. As I look out at the dragons this Christmas, I’m going to remember that my one true hope lies with a God who confronts dragons.

In that hope, I call out to God in lament.
“How long, Oh Lord, will the dragons run rampant? How long will sickness, conflict, anger and war trample and devour around the world? Please, put an end to the dragons once and for all. Amen.”

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I’m flying home tomorrow to Celebrate Christmas with my family. Prayers would be appreciated for safe travel. I’d particularly like prayers for my neck/back as I travel. Physical Therapy has been preparing me for this. But it will still be a challenge.

Hodgepodge Autumn

Autumn is my favorite season. I love the crunch of leaves, the smell of decay, and the drop in temperature.

Costa Rica doesn’t have autumn. We’re nearing the end (and most intense part) of the rainy season. In December the dry season will start. But there is no autumn. I can always head over to Starbucks and buy an expensive coffee with autumn flavors. Or I could visit the expensive grocery store that carries many imported products and find a 1/2 pound bag of candy corn selling for $7.

I’m a firm believer that the best parts of life (and autumn) are either free or home-made. I made two pecan pies last weekend. It was a test-run for the Thanksgiving dinner next month with a bunch of expats from the US. I’m the pie guy.

I’ve also had quite a bit of success tossing in a pinch of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice with my coffee grounds in the morning. I still have to work on the balance of the flavors, but I’m usually pleased with the outcome. My kitchen smells like autumn for a few minutes.

But, there are no piles of leaves or decorative gourds. The heavy rains mean that all the trees are showing off their greenest possible hue. A few stores have Halloween decorations, situated right next to the Christmas decorations that went up a month ago.

I miss true autumn. But, I’m piecing together a hodgepodge of it as I go.

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I’m focusing quite a bit of time and energy on strengthening my back and neck. I go to physical therapy once per week. The rest of the week, I’m doing various strengthening exercises at the gym/pool and at home.

In my last post, I reported that the doctor had given me a 5-lbs weight restriction. That sounds like an impossibly small amount of weight. My physical therapist and I put it to the test last month. She put a 3-lbs dumbbell in each of my hands and had me extend my arms in front of me. Instantly, I could feel a few places on my back go numb. When I hold something closer to my body, I can briefly go a bit beyond 5-lbs. Even so, simple tasks have become much more complicated

I have yet to figure out a way to empty my dehumidifier without going over the limit. The tank, when full, is 11-lbs. I’m also looking for a solution for garbage day. My kitchen garbage can is only a third-full, but it’s already close to 10-lbs.

Shopping has been easier to manage. I can get some of my pantry staples delivered pretty cheaply from the local version of Costco. Then, I go every other day to the local grocer to buy fresh produce. I also have two different butchers within 3 blocks of my apartment whenever I need meat. Lots of mini-trips!

The one thing that I haven’t figured out yet is if/when/how to travel. I’m in the habit of coming up to the US to visit in December and January. It’s a great time to visit the US because I’m not teaching anything and the chess club is on break. Costa Ricans spend those days with family. It’s natural for me to do the same.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think it will be possible to make the trip this year. I don’t think I can make it through 3 or more airports with luggage. Even if I’m travelling with the bare minimum, I can’t currently see a way to make it work.

I’ll be talking about it with my doctor and physical therapist. Maybe they’ll have some ideas.

I’ve been improving very rapidly. My physical therapist has been very encouraging about my progress. But, in order to continue progressing, I’ll need to remain vigilant.

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I’d like to ask for continued prayers for my back/neck.

I’d also like to ask for prayers for next term. I’ll be teaching an exceptionally heavy load of classes.

Finally, I’d like to ask for prayers for several things in my life that are hard/impossible to write in a space like this. The past 3 months have brought a lot of change to my life: some beautiful and life-giving changes, as well as some difficult and heart-breaking changes. I’m adjusting to these changes slowly. On the whole, I’m very grateful for God’s faithfulness and love through this rough patch.

Adjustments

I just wrapped up the first week of term. I’m very excited to have a decent sized Hebrew class of six students. The course is in the Master’s program, which tends to have smaller class-sizes. I had been preparing to co-teach an additional course with another professor on the Elijah/Elisha stories in 1&2 Kings. (There’s so much good stuff going on in those stories, including similarities to Jesus and Moses. Maybe I’ll write an entire post just about some of the fun stuff to be found there.) But, the course had to be canceled due to low enrollment.

My work load is a little lighter this term than usual. But I’m ok with that. In Costa Rica, universities and schools of higher education don’t typically have anything like a summer break. Professors in the US usually use a significant part of their break to do research, do professional development, and attend conferences among other things. Down here, you sort of have to figure out how to do those sorts of things while teaching.

I am hoping to use my lighter schedule this term to focus more on my physical health. As you might know, I was diagnosed back in April with 3 herniated discs in my neck and back. They don’t really hurt. On a scale from 1 to 10, on a bad day I’m probably at 1.5 or somewhere in there.

This past week, my doctor clarified some things for me. Apparently one of my hernias is quite unusual, between the T1 and T2 vertebrae. Less that 1% of herniated discs occur there. It is also placed pretty close to the aorta and heart so that a future operation would be exceedingly complicated. It’s best to avoid that. What this means is that I need to continue with physical therapy. Also, as I understand it currently, I’m going to need to avoid lifting things over 5 pounds. And it looks like I’ll need to do this for the next 4 months!

I’ve started weighing things around the house. My laundry detergent is close to 15 pounds. My water bottle, when full, is close to 3 pounds and I bring it with me everywhere. Some of my books weigh over the limit. I’m headed to church this evening for the youth group. If I bring both my water bottle and my Bible with me, that’s going to put me over the limit.

It doesn’t matter if I’m carrying these things in my arms or in a backpack, if there is weight being transferred by my shoulders to the rest of my body, I’m going to need to be careful.

So many parts of my life have had to change. My gym routine has had to change. No more weight-lifting. I’ll be in the pool for the foreseeable future. At the youth group, I’m famous for making soups to share with the teens. My soup pot, when full, is somewhere between 30 and 40 pounds. I’ll need to get creative. I’m still not sure how I’ll manage this.

Yes, 5 pounds seems like an impossibly small weight. Maybe I misheard the doctor. Hopefully I’ll get more clarity from my physical-therapist. But for now, I’m in need of prayers.

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One final thing: I’m juggling a number of other changes at church and at work that aren’t so easy to talk about. I am in desperate need of wisdom and courage. I need wisdom to know what is right, and courage to do what is right. I’m feeling the weight of James 3:1 right now. “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”

Dealing with Disappointment

In my last post, I mentioned the chess club where I’ve been collaborating for a year and a half. The club meets at Roble Alto, a school/shelter for kids who have had to be temporarily separated from their families. In the post, I talked about the plans that we had to put together an actual team that could compete against other schools.

Once the decision was made, things began to move quickly. One of the teachers got the kids registered for a tournament for the entire province of Heredia (the province where I live) that was scheduled for today! We sped things up, teaching the kids about the rules for tournaments and how to write down their moves in proper notation. We made the club meetings longer and tried to recreate tournament-like conditions with clocks and everything.

Then, two days ago, we found out that the tournament was being postponed one month due to logistical challenges. But the new date won’t work for our kids. So, we won’t be participating in the tournament after all.

We broke the news to them yesterday. They were exceptionally disappointed, and even angry. They’ve been working towards this for weeks. They kept asking us if we were joking. For the younger kids, they’ll likely get other chances to play in a tournament of this size. But, the older kids might not get another opportunity like this.

The other leader and I validated their frustrations multiple times. “It’s natural to feel like this. You are right to feel frustrated. We feel frustrated too.” We returned to these feelings multiple times over the evening.

Even the greatest chess player in the world, Magnus Carlsen, deals with disappointment. Photo via here.

But, we didn’t focus exclusively on the negative feelings. We took time to congratulate them all on their hard work and their improvement. They’ve grown so much!

We also took some time to dream about other opportunities. It’s true that another tournament of this size won’t be available to them until next year. But, we’re already talking about organizing smaller matches with lower stakes. It won’t be the same, but it will still be a place where they can showcase and celebrate their hard work.

I’d appreciate prayers for the club/team as we take next steps.

Celebrating 9 Years!

On this day in 2014, I first arrived in Costa Rica. It’s a day that’s easy to remember because in Costa Rica, every August 15 is Mothers Day!

On anniversaries, it’s appropriate to contemplate what I’ve done with all this time. I’ll try to give a break-down of some of how the time was spent.

-3 years living at Casa Adobe (a Christian intentional community)
-3 years living with a Costa Rican host family
-3 years living on my own

-7 years attending my current church
-6 years helping out with the youth group at my church

-6.5 years of mental health therapy
-2 months of physical therapy for my neck

-7 years of working at UNELA (an evangelical university dedicated to training pastors, theologians and lay leaders in the church) teaching Old Testament, Hebrew, Greek, and anything else they need me to teach
-1.5 years helping run the Tech Department at UNELA
-4 years of working at ESEPA (a rival school to UNELA)

-5 years running chess clubs. I’ve had 3 different clubs over the years. The current club is preparing to send a small team of players to a tournament! We’ve been dreaming of this for years, and it’s finally about to happen!

-2 years (total) of living/visiting in the US while continuing to work virtually in Costa Rica

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There have been many moments of joy and thanksgiving. There have also been many prayers of lament, and too many tears to count. God can count the tears, and can hear the wordless laments behind them.

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Over the course of these 9 years, there has been a trajectory towards sustainability and diversification. I’ve learned not to put all my eggs in one basket. If you look at the above numbers, you’ll see that they add up to quite a bit more than 9 years.

I sometimes think of my life in terms of furniture. Starting out, I was a bit like a one-legged stool. My work, home, church and social life were all at one place. In moments of tranquility, life worked well. But in moments of chaos, it was hard to stay on my feet. (This, I think is pretty normal for a cross-cultural missionary starting out. In many ways, when you arrive in a new country, you’re like a baby. You can’t feed yourself or care for yourself. Even things like using the bathroom come with complications. You’re completely dependent on those around you. But healthy babies grow up and learn to take care of their own needs.)

Returning to the furniture metaphor. With time, I’ve added legs to the stool. Today, my life is a lot more like an oak work-bench with a dozen sturdy legs. Even if a few of the legs become unstable, I can take a pounding and remain on my feet.

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Another trajectory that my life has taken over the past 9 years is a move from receiving hospitality towards both receiving and giving hospitality. I’ve received so much hospitality from Costa Ricans over the years. I’m now at a place where I can give hospitality too. I’m grateful for that.

This enormous soup pot is one of the best investments I’ve ever made. I’ve lost track of the times I’ve filled it to the brim with chili, potato-leek soup, lentil soup, and so many other varieties of soup.

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Thank you for your prayers and your support over these past nine years. Today is Costa Rican Mother’s Day. I sent my mother some flowers and chocolates in the US. And after publishing this, I’m off to visit my Costa Rican host-mom who treated me like a son for several years.

Resting on the Laurels of Giants

On Monday this week, I had an appointment with a neurosurgeon to look at my MRI scans of my neck. He is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, working at the best hospital in the country, the Clinica Bíblica. Strange name for a hospital, right? My appointment was in the Strachan building. Strachan doesn’t sound very Costa Rican. (By the way, I don’t need surgery. Physical Therapy alone should solve my problem! Thanks for the many thoughts and prayers.)

On Wednesday, I was arriving at the chess club that I help run at Roblealto, a home/shelter for kids who have had to be separated temporarily from their families. Walking in to the administrative building, I walked past a series of old photos including photos of Harry and Susan Strachan. It wasn’t a coincidence.

I walk by these photos once per week for the chess club.

Roble Alto celebrated its 90th anniversary last year. The Clinica Bíblica is now on it’s 93rd anniversary. As it would happen, many notable institutions in Costa Rica were founded 80-100 years ago by the Strachans.

One of the first large Protestant churches was founded downtown San José by the Strachans. The original sanctuary could hold up to a thousand people! The first protestant seminary, now called La Universidad Bíblica Latinoamericana was founded by them too. They also co-founded the Latin American Mission (LAM) which is now a part of United World Mission. Then, after Harry died, Susan helped found the primary evangelical radio station, El Faro del Caribe (The Lighthouse of the Caribbean).

Here is a slightly more complete bio of Harry and here is one of Susan. Harry would travel up and down the continent holding evangelistic rallies, and then travel to Europe to raise more funds for projects. Meanwhile, Susan somehow kept everything running locally. They were quite the team!

I’m not particularly interested in producing more hagiography of the Strachans. Nor am I interested in pretending they were perfect. They were human. Every missionary has their faults.

But, I am interested in reflecting on one character trait that I see in them. They were quite skilled at identifying the felt needs of the Costa Rican society, and building institutions that addressed those needs. At a time in which Costa Rica was quite hostile towards Protestantism, the Protestants showed what they had to offer the country.

At a time when there weren’t many options for quality medical care, they built a hospital. At a time when there weren’t many options for taking care of orphans and providing them with holistic care, they built an orphanage.

These institutions have changed over time, out of necessity. Times change as do needs. The hospital was set free and slowly became a private hospital catering largely to the upper classes and medical tourism. There was even a black-market for organ donations operating out of it for a while!

With time, the Costa Rican government put in place a robust foster-care system for orphans. Roblealto transitioned to focus on kids in need of temporary shelter, while working with psychologists and social workers to help the families to the point that they could receive their children once again. Roblealto found its niche and continues to excel.

The seminary that the Strachans started (originally a block away from the hospital) became more liberal with time. Rival institutions sprang up including UNELA, where I have been working for the past 7 years.

Institutions change as the world around them changes.

I’m a millennial. The stereotype is that we don’t like institutions. That might be true for my generation in general. But I personally see quite a bit of value in institutions. What scares me, however, is institutionalism.

An institution is a means to an end. You build it with a purpose… a mission, if you will. But with time, as more money and effort is invested into the institution, it becomes easy to view the means as an end. The thing that helped you achieve a goal becomes the goal in and of itself. Keeping an institution running becomes the mission. You might even forget what the purpose of the institution was in the first place.

One of the ways in which this is most vividly visible is the way that some denominations have taken steps to protect clergy who have been credibly accused of abuse. Ideally, a denomination would help keep churches and pastors/priests accountable. Yet, time and again, we’ve seen institutions protect abusers.

I had a millennial missionary-friend ask me a question a few years back. “What do you do if you really believe in the purpose of [the institution], but you start to see that [the institution] might actually be doing harm to the purpose that it is supposed to be fulfilling?”

What is the purpose of a chess club? What is the purpose of a denomination? What is the purpose of a school devoted to theological education? What is the purpose of a youth group at church? Are our institutions serving these purposes well? Why or why not?

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I’d also like to see Christians work to build new institutions to address 21st century problems. Each person is going to have a different view of what the most pressing problems are. I’ll name two that I see in Costa Rica.

1. Gang activity has been on the rise here. Costa Rica for decades has avoided the sort of violence that has plagued El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras. Yet the gangs are making in-roads in marginalized communities. These same communities are already filled with churches and NGOs. You would think that these churches would be well placed to offer real hope to a young man who has reluctantly come to the conclusion that gang-participation is his best opportunity to live a decent life. You would think that. But many of the churches focus exclusively on the next life. And the NGOs do good work, but at the end of the day aren’t able to offer much to the kids most likely to end up in jail. What sorts of institutions could be built to meet this need?
2. Loneliness is as real here as elsewhere, resulting in increased rates of suicide and addiction. During the pandemic, the loneliness was felt by all a bit more acutely. Churches worked hard to keep in touch with people. But now that life has returned to normal, much of the loneliness persists. A number of the teens who come to the youth group at my church have been up-front about their intentions. They’re looking for friends. A recent NY Times piece talked about this from a non-religious perspective. (You can read it here without a subscription) Non-religious people are aware of their need for community. But they don’t want to find it in a place where religion will get shoved down their throats. I wonder if this is an opportunity for hospitality. Many churches have gotten used to letting their building space be used for AA meetings and as polling places during elections. Many communities that don’t have a community center do have a church building that sits largely unused for 5-6 days of the week. I see potential here.

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I’m half-way through the term and I’m as energized as ever to see my students learning. I start physical therapy on July 4 for my neck issues. Prayers would be appreciated.

The Battle of the Bugs

My apartment is located on land that used to be a coffee plantation. Before that, it was jungle. The jungle hasn’t forgotten this fact.

I’ve found all kinds of flora and fauna in inconvenient locations. Frogs and rats can occasionally be found in the bathroom. Birds frequent my attic. A vine only recently stopped trying to come into my laundry/exercise room via an electrical outlet. During the rainy season, I’ve occasionally found mold growing on my toothbrush. I’m making good use of my dehumidifier, but the results are limited.

Battling bugs takes up more of my time than everything else combined. There are a number of different varieties of ants that make inroads occasionally. The big ones seem to be attracted to grease. The tiny ones are drawn to fruit. If I leave a pear stem on the counter for more than 5 minutes, it gets swarmed.

A recent challenge has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I had noticed some tiny specks of fluff that looked like an exceptionally light-colored dust-bunny. I took no notice of them for several weeks until I noticed one moving! I began to see them everywhere! I scooped some into a baggy and brought it to a local agricultural supplies shop. They turned out to be mealybugs! At their biggest, they are probably the size of a grain of rice.

These bugs are usually attracted to greenhouse plants, but I don’t happen to have any plants right now. So, the bugs appear to be looking for water/humidity. They descend in droves upon my recently washed clothes, though they don’t appear to be damaging the clothes in any way.

Killing these bugs individually is quite easy. But they have the advantage of numbers, and they are immune to most of the pesticides designed for home-use.

I did manage to get my hands on some diatomaceous earth recently. I bought some because of a recent bed-bug scare, and diatomaceous earth is one of the few things that can kill bed-bugs. (There are no confirmed bed-bug sightings, but I’m on my guard) Check out Mark Rober’s video on bed-bugs if you want more info. Anyhow, the cool think about diatomaceous earth is that it is also quite good at killing all kinds of bugs! It’s made of silica which sticks to the bugs, scratching their protective shells and then drying them out. Since it is a physical/mechanical attack on bugs, they can’t evolve to become immune to it. It’s safe for humans and pets. I’m applying it liberally.

The final enemy worth mentioning is cockroaches. In the past they didn’t bother me much. But, the way that their legs flail about is pretty freaky. I’m now fully committed to their extermination. Their deaths can’t come quickly enough.

Some data about cockroaches in my apartment:
The number of times a cockroach has crawled on me, waking me from sleep: 1
The number of cockroaches I’ve killed in the past month: 6
The number of brooms I have broken in the past year while taking an over-enthusiastic swing at a cockroach: 2
The number of times I have regretted swinging my broom over-enthusiastically while trying to kill a cockroach: 0

I’ve been going to the gym twice per week for weight-lifting. My primary goal is to increase the amount of enthusiasm with which I can swing my broom at cockroaches.

I’d like to ask for prayers and/or thoughts for my neck and the three herniated discs there. On Monday, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon to have him look at my MRI results. I’m hoping that physical therapy alone will be sufficient. I’d very much like to avoid surgery. Thanks!

What Lament Isn’t

I’ve been introducing my students to Lament Psalms over the past two weeks. Lament has been pretty central to my faith over the past decade. It’s a delight to introduce my students to this part of the Bible that has given me so much.

One student posed me a particularly good question last night. “What is the difference between Lament and merely complaining?”

I had to backtrack a bit and reframe the question. I had been using the word “complaint” to describe a portion of a Lament Psalm that has questions and also describes an “enemy.” These questions can include “Why?” and “How Long?” The “enemies” can be anything including loneliness, sickness, another human, or even God himself in certain circumstances!

[I know that this is particularly shocking, talking about God as “enemy.” But here’s some evidence, “You have forsaken me“, “You gave us up to be devoured like sheep“, “You have shaken the land and torn it open“, “Why does your anger smolder against your sheep?“, “You kept my eyes from closing.” “You have fed [your people] with the bread of tears; you have made them drink tears by the bowlful.“, “You have put me in the lowest pit… Your wrath lies heavily on me… You have taken from me my closest friends… Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me.” There’s more where that came from. I’ll try to make sense of this language later in this post.]

So, with my student’s question, I reframed things and said, “What if we try to talk about the difference between *good* complaint and *bad* complaint?”

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Let’s start with grumbling in the wilderness and why it’s a *bad* kind of complaint. If you’re familiar with the book of Numbers in the Bible, the Israelites spent a lot of time grumbling in the wilderness. In certain circumstances, that grumbling is portrayed very negatively. The grumbling resulted in quite a bit of punishment! We don’t want to make whatever mistake they made!

But Biblical Lament is not at all like grumbling in the wilderness. The grumblers in the book of Numbers had given up on God. In one of their most brazen moves, they actually suggested going back to Egypt because they thought that was better than serving God in Canaan!

In contrast, Biblical Lament comes from a place of deep trust. In these Psalms, the writer frequently says things like, “I’ve been praying day and night for months! I’ve been crying out to you since my youth!” (Psalm 88: 9, 13, 15) These Laments are coming from a place of deep trust in the goodness and power of God. They just want to see that goodness and power a bit more clearly in a broken world.

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Lament is also different from what Job did. On face value one could see some similarities. Job accuses God of treating him unjustly. Some of the Lament Psalms that identify God as the “enemy” do the same. If God rebuked Job, wouldn’t that make these Lament Psalms improper?

I think it’s important to note that at the end of Job, God actually clarifies that Job spoke correctly, and that it is Job’s friends who need to take back their words. If that’s the case, what did Job get wrong? Why did he need a bit of a rebuke?

Biblical Lament is always directed at God. Even when it is accusing God of having done injustice, it always appeals to God’s role as judge of the universe. It’s weird, but in some of these Psalms, you ask God to intervene to protect you from God! God is simultaneously the judge listening to my complaint AND the defendant being accused of wrongdoing!

This is what I think Job missed. He failed to direct his complaint towards God as the king of the universe. That’s what God so emphatically clarifies in the magnificent poems of Job 38-42. “I’m the judge, Job. Not you, and certainly not your friends. There are things that I know that you can’t possibly know. Acknowledge that fact, and we’re good here!”

If you really want to go for a bit of a ride, check out the parable that Jesus tells in Luke 18 about an unjust judge and a persistent widow. Jesus had a perfect connection with God the Father. Jesus had perfect faith in the Father’s perfect justice! Yet, he recommends that we occasionally treat God like an unjust judge!

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Finally, Lament is not something that someone does in place of taking action. You can’t self-sabotage and then complain about it. The Christian tradition has always taught “ora et labora” prayer *and* work. Prayer is never to be used in place of taking action to defend the widow, the orphan and the foreigner. Prayer goes with action.

The bad kind of complaining

These are, I think, some of the key things that distinguish good complaint from bad complaint.

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I want to conclude with something I heard from Dr. Esau McCauley, the author of “Reading While Black.” I don’t remember where I heard him say this, but he was commenting on the comfort that he received from knowing that many of the Lament Psalms were actually complaints about other Israelites. Ponder that for a moment! Dr. McCauley brought this up while speaking to the experience of the Black church as it endured all sorts of injustices at the hands of the White church.

So many people have been hurt by the church. So. Many. People.

I know that this might not be very comforting. But, most of the suffering endured by God’s people has also been inflicted by God’s people. You can see this in the Psalms, the Prophets, Numbers, the History books, the New Testament, and most of church history too. This isn’t a happy thought. But, it brings a certain feeling of solidarity and connection to our moments of deepest pain. The pattern of dysfunction goes back well over 3,000 years.

As I was trying to put all this together, I was moved particularly by Psalm 55.

Psalm 55:12-14:
If an enemy were insulting me,
    I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
    I could hide.
But it is you, a human like myself,
    my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
    at the house of God,
as we walked about
    among the worshipers.

Then verses 20-21:
My companion attacks his friends;
    he violates his covenant.
His talk is smooth as butter,
    yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
    yet they are drawn swords.

The Psalmist describes a fellow worshipper, a former friend. It is this friend who has turned against the Psalmist. The feeling of betrayal is profound and personal. I encourage you to read the entire Psalm, including the uncomfortable bits. If it’s too intense for you, don’t worry, there are other Psalms that are a bit less edgy. (FWIW, my personal philosophy is that it is always better to pray to God about vengeance than to take that vengeance into my own hands. I think that’s unquestionably true.)

God put these Psalms in the Bible for a reason, knowing that we’d occasionally need to use this kind of language to be fully honest and whole-hearted in the time of prayer.

If you’ve been hurt by the church, I’m sorry. I can’t fix it. But, I can lament with you.

Image of a tree in Autumn from St. James Farm in Warrenville, Illinois